An Update
I apologise, readers, for not updating my blog recently. I always have a number of things to say on a broad range of subjects, but I do not always take the time to commit them to written form. At times I wish I could transfer my analysis and musings to an acceptable medium with nothing more than a thought, but such technology does not exist.
One could conceivably consider himself fortunate to not have read updates from me, for my thoughts have grown increasingly dark of late. Neither life nor my assessment of it have improved.
I do have my degree, but I do not feel vindicated. As a matter of fact, since my time in university was coming to an end, the old disappointments and resentments rose to the surface with renewed intensity to couple with the new. All I have to show for my academic distinctions are student loan payments. In one month's time, I will participate in commencement exercises, but I am attending more for the sake of family than my own.
The fact I have much erudition but am stuck for the moment in a low-paying, high-stress retail job certainly does not agree with me. To be frank, I find it insulting, since I am capable of being much more than some grunt at the bottom of the company ladder dealing with the usual nonsense I have no control over.
I have been seeking other employment, but so far it has been fruitless. In my field, software development, every employer wants years of professional experience in many different languages and technologies. I have broad knowledge and sufficient aptitude, but all I merit from companies is "thank you for your interest, but we are pursuing other candidates." It is hard to be motivated when it seems ever so much like the last job search before I secured my current situation. The only significant difference is I have a four-year degree.
My 26 years in this world have not been well-spent. I resent many things, but I resent myself most of all. I simply do not measure up to my own standards, and I am certainly not inclined to "admit defeat" and consequently lower them. When I look in the mirror, I see the author of my destruction, the shell of a man who could have become "someone" but presently withers on the vine. I simply cannot overlook my uselessness, my failure.
One could conceivably consider himself fortunate to not have read updates from me, for my thoughts have grown increasingly dark of late. Neither life nor my assessment of it have improved.
I do have my degree, but I do not feel vindicated. As a matter of fact, since my time in university was coming to an end, the old disappointments and resentments rose to the surface with renewed intensity to couple with the new. All I have to show for my academic distinctions are student loan payments. In one month's time, I will participate in commencement exercises, but I am attending more for the sake of family than my own.
The fact I have much erudition but am stuck for the moment in a low-paying, high-stress retail job certainly does not agree with me. To be frank, I find it insulting, since I am capable of being much more than some grunt at the bottom of the company ladder dealing with the usual nonsense I have no control over.
I have been seeking other employment, but so far it has been fruitless. In my field, software development, every employer wants years of professional experience in many different languages and technologies. I have broad knowledge and sufficient aptitude, but all I merit from companies is "thank you for your interest, but we are pursuing other candidates." It is hard to be motivated when it seems ever so much like the last job search before I secured my current situation. The only significant difference is I have a four-year degree.
My 26 years in this world have not been well-spent. I resent many things, but I resent myself most of all. I simply do not measure up to my own standards, and I am certainly not inclined to "admit defeat" and consequently lower them. When I look in the mirror, I see the author of my destruction, the shell of a man who could have become "someone" but presently withers on the vine. I simply cannot overlook my uselessness, my failure.
posted by Lord Feverstone | 1:11 AM
6 Comments:
Comrade- you are not a failure
Life throws shit daily- trust me- I have been there
My advice: stick with it- keep trying- and never give in
Also- funnily enough- blogging does have its therapeutic elements, and I hope you continue with it
Stay strong LF, things will work out- I'm sure of it
Fred
LF,
You say you do not measure up to your own standards but that is based on the fallacious assumption that you function independently in a vacuum. You do not. Other people have the ability to influence your life for reasons beyond your control. In a feminist world these influences become heavily negative on a man.
Recognize that the feminized society you (and I) live in is hindering not only you but millions of other men, most of whom don't even realise it.
Thus, to call yourself a 'failure' is categorically wrong.
I have a few more years on you, however at times I feel this way as well. However I then read current events and realize that I really don't have it as bad as some other poeple.
Sure I am not as well off as some people that chose banking or business as a profession, but that is all.
I realize that I know the truth. And No money in the world, no award in the world is worth the wisdom that we here share about how society actually functions.
So give yourself a pat on the back for coming to the truth years before I even did. Give yourself a pat on the back for not being a mangina and for not going the rest of your life with blinders on.
Many of us here feel at times as if we are terribly alone because the MSM does not share our views. Just realize as this matriarchy begins to collapse, you will be and are one person that people will look up to, because you have understood this before the masses were even aware it was taking place.
Take care bro, I look forward to hearing your thoughts again.
lies!
Don't beat yourself over it, man. We all get that at times. We feel useless and that we have failed and betrayed ourselves. I can tell you its how I feel about my first year of college just gone.
Be glad of what you have right now and what you know at such a young age. A lot of people don't know the truth of what is going on around them.
Remember, one of the drawbacks of the MRA movement at present is that we are relatively isolated from each other and we often feel alone in this world and depressed at how everyone is still asleep and keep on telling YOU to wake up and snap out of it when in fact your more awake than ever!
Don't worry, the time will come when the MRA movement has gained sufficant moumentum that you won't be isolated. In fact, most of us early birds will be looked up by the late comers for wisdom and inspiration.
Stay strong, man and it will pass.
NHY
You have the misfortune to be an honest worker -- a technical worker -- in a dishonest economy. You're not alone. If you have a love of technology, seek out other programmers and talk -- you'll find useful things.
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